My dude is taking a shower so I’M taking this opportunity to post about my awesome date tonight. Specifically, I had picked a movie for us to watch but we got sucked into the charismatic tornado that is Gordon Ramsay and his shows. Well, technically I’ve always been sucked in but I made a new convert. Whatever, let’s get to the breakdown.
In spite of the girls winning, there was STILL bitching going on at their “prize” event? God damn it all of you, stop being being mean to each other. STOP. Also I kind of did a happy dance at Kimmie being eliminated. Seriously, that bitch never took responsibility for a damn thing. How the hell are you gonna brag you’re from the south every five minutes then fuck up your catfish repeatedly? The fact that she was whining her way out the door instead of taking the hit graciously pretty much sealed how much I disliked her.
The last 6 or 8 or whatever booted off MasterChef contestants got a chance to earn their apron back by doing a mystery box challenge and then a top 2 head to head. Between cowboy Mike and douchebag Ryan, douchebag Ryan unfortunately got to stay. Stacey and Josh were in the final four but in the end it was Josh v Ryan. I was sad Stacey went, the homemade ricotta ravioli impressed the hell out of me. ALSO, before I go on I have to say someone needs to take Tali out back and smack the ever loving fuck out of him for an hour or two because I don’t know what he’s thinking.
Chef Graham: So, what’ve we got here?
Tali: We’ve got Pots de Creme with some pomegranate syrup
Chef Graham: Uh huh.. *dipping in his spoon, looking interested and pleased*
Tali: and a Celery Foam on top
Chef Graham: *cringing as he is forced to taste this abomination*
Tali: *internally bursting with pride because these culinary plebs don’t get his “misunderstood” and “amazing” flavor combinations*
Celery motherfucking foam. My slapping hand twitched so much and so many feels for having to subject your mouth and tastebuds to that kind of abuse.
Anyway though, all that aside… Ryan didn’t even bother chilling his pastry cream, didn’t really seem to flavor it to try to compliment his tart, what the actual fuck with him piping it in like that, and I think I made prettier strawberry slices when I was 4 and slicing them to go in a bowl of oatmeal using a butterknife from my grammy’s kitchen. Then he had these huge, ugly slices of strawberry and was dropping them all over the tart like he was some sort of paint stirring machine you find at home depot. The final kiss of death? Bitch you did not just put maraschino mother fucking cherries on your berry tart. Christine’s like “I guess I’m just confused…” when she’s tasting his frankentart creation. CHRISTINE YOU ARE TOO NICE. Just say what everyone is thinking and be like, “What in the christing hell were you thinking? This is fucking gross.”
Brief intermission, the dude asked me since I’m a pastry chef: What would you do?
Me: a buttery shortbread crust, then a lemon cream, whole blueberries, and very thinly sliced kiwis and I’d make sure whatever glaze I was using had lemon zest in it and a bit of pineapple juice.
Yeeeah I know my away around the world of pastry but I think I’m gonna make it next week as a surprise.
So in a shocking turn of end of the night events, no one in the blind taste test voted for Ryan the “Flavor Elevator” (seriously he said that like 6 times.. we get it, douchebag) and Josh was voted back in unanimously.
I firmly think Christine is going to walk away from this the winner, but the dude thinks Monti will. HMM.